[You should read this with an awareness that the fellow whom I'm replying to here made a tremendous effort to both speak to me in depth (about the possibility of helping me) and to actually offer real assistance ("help" in the strictest sense of the term). Do not assume that I am reproaching him. However, it is true that he is totally unknown to me: I have never seen him in a youtube video, and I have never seen a photograph of him on Instagram, and he only started writing to me a few days ago.]
(1) A disclaimer:
I am not (in the paragraphs below) engaging in a criticism of your character…
and I am not engaging in a criticism of your motivations.
I am willing to assume that you are a good person, and I am willing to assume that you have good motivations…
I do believe it is worthwhile to question the implicit assumptions "beneath" some of the things you are saying —and I hope you will not be insulted.
To give you an example: when I was at Cambridge, many Europeans talked to me as if I would (effortlessly) have a PhD very soon (within a few years) and when I explained to them that it was impossible (or NEARLY impossible) for me to get a PhD they absolutely refused to believe it.
Does this mean they are bad people? Does this mean they have bad motivations? No: but they have a set of assumptions that need to be challenged. They are not willing to believe that Cambridge University excludes me. They are not willing to believe that every university in Europe, America and Asia excludes me (and, thus, that there are no opportunities for me anywhere). To them, this is unbelievable.
This is important to question.
(2) What is the life I would have in Germany for the next 5 years if I accepted this "deal with the devil"?
Let us round off my age and say: from age 45 to age 50…
if I accept this "job seeker" visa…
and I get a job working at a gas station or a grocery store…
speaking German every day…
living with the same status as a Turkish immigrant (or worse)…
what will my future be?
What is there positive about this scenario?
Now I will give you a contrast: if I move to Las Vegas, Nevada, my life will be horrible (in many, many ways!) but I can at least attend stand up comedy (in English) and possibly audition to do stand up comedy myself.
That is ONE positive thing I can say about Las Vegas.
There is not even one positive thing to be said about Germany. Not one.
Not short term, not long term.
I know Germany well. I know the German language well. I know German history well. I know German politics well. I know German philosophy well (Hegel, Kant, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer… etc. etc.).
It's all bad, Alexander. All of it.
Germany is not merely the worst country in Europe, it is the worst country in the world. Germany is not merely the worst country at this moment: it is the worst country that has ever existed in the history of the world.
People pretend that Cambodia is morally despicable, but let's be honest: the Cambodians (in the paranoid massacres of their failed revolution) can never be compared to the evil of the Germans. It is utterly laughable to pretend that the Japanese empire has a moral stain comparable to the stain that Germany still bears.
And you know: I look Jewish and I am Jewish —even if I am an atheist, I am Jewish enough that the Nazis (still today) will hate me.
What could really be a worse suggestion, for me, than Germany?
In every way, short term and long term?
I am saying this to challenge your implicit assumptions: I do not think your motivations are bad. Perhaps you really assume I would have a wonderful life in Germany (for the next 5 years and the next 50 years, if I should live so long).
(3) You say that you are an intellectual.
You say that you are studying to get a PhD.
Most of the people I have known who have PhDs are stupid, crazy and malign.
Sometimes they are just stupid and crazy, sometimes just stupid and malign, etc., but very often they are all three: stupid AND crazy AND malign.
I have known many, many people with PhDs who are genuinely insane. I have known many PhD students (whether or not they completed their PhDs) who were insane.
How many people with PhDs were NOT STUPID? (Very few.) How many PhD students were NOT STUPID? (Very few.)
I have known these people all over the world, in many walks of life.
Do you actually believe that you are intelligent enough to sit at a wooden table with me for two hours and talk about politics, to record that as a podcast, and upload it for the world to hear?
IN NINE YEARS nobody has ever been willing to do that with me, including people with PhDs, and the most frequently given reason is: "I would feel stupid sitting next to you."
Many, many times people with PhDs (including my professors) have said to me (sometimes in words that are polite, sometimes in words that are impolite), "you make me feel stupid", or "I feel stupid talking about politics / history / religion / etc. with you".
It isn't subtle. This isn't a matter of my interpretation. This isn't a matter of my psychological "projection". People openly tell me, again and again, that they feel I'm too smart (or too knowledgable) to work with —or, reciprocally, they say that they are too stupid (or too ignorant) to work with me.
Why do you think it is that after nine years I am still broadcasting TOTALLY ALONE? Why do you think I've never had a news and politics "show" with just one other person collaborating with me, as an equal? Why not two people or five people? Why was it impossible for a-bas-le-ciel to expand in any area?
(Note: I could have expanded in atheist news, in Chinese news, just reviewing new books on political history, ecology… I could have hosted "a show" in so many different areas unrelated to veganism… do not presume I'm talking about veganism primarily or only.)
And now, simply, I have to ask you to calibrate your claim: yes, perhaps you are tremendously intelligent, perhaps you are an intellectual who can talk to me on an equal level, and perhaps my new friendship with you will transform my life —forever— for the better (and I should fly off to Germany just to meet you!).
But this seems incredibly improbable.
Where is your "proof of genius"? Where is your Toulon?
I have been extremely positive and encouraging to people (like Tofu Goddess, etc.) who had no more "proof of genius" than a modest youtube channel where they expressed their frustrations. But you, like 99.9% of the people writing to me, do not even have that.
Again: I do not say this to insult you. I do not say any of this to insinuate that you have bad motivations.