Thursday 26 January 2023

Will I be able to attend my own mother's funeral? Yes or no?


I am asking you this directly, and this is not the first time.

Will I be able to attend my own mother's funeral?

Yes or no.

I was not invited to attend my father's funeral.

I was not invited to attend my sister's wedding —and this is a directly related example.

Gail: many people throughout the family hate me because of lies that you told about me.

You and Barry both told lies about me.

Beth, also, told lies about me.

These lies were —for you— utterly self-serving.

Other people in the family have told me —verbatim— what those lies were.

I am not using my imagination.

So: will I be able to attend my own mother's funeral, yes or no?

Gail: you beat me and screamed at me throughout my whole childhood, and this only ended when I was physically large enough to stop you from beating me.  Those beatings (and the endless hours of screaming) were often insane, and often had nothing to do with me (they were not some carefully measured out punishment because I'd done something wrong).  You know this.

You and Barry both were willing to make up an astonishing array of lies to cover this up, and to silence me if I dared to mention it, and you were equally willing to lie to cover over much more trivial "inconveniences", such as rats living in our kitchen: you have denounced me and defamed me for my entire life (even when I was a teenager, it's amazing to say) and you have always been eager to claim that I'm the cause of every problem —even when I was eight years old (etc.).

[Footnote: the reason why the rats in the kitchen are mentioned here is that it is one of the few examples my mother is willing to admit to.  She and my father both told many, many people that I was hallucinating and insane because I factually (and calmly) reported very obvious (verifiable) evidence that we had rats living in the kitchen (and, also, I had seen the rats directly).  The evidence included, for example, a bag of bagels that had been gnawed into by tiny teeth and claws.  My mother absolutely insisted that I was insane and hallucinating (again: saying this to many, many people) and then —nevertheless— was screaming and weeping very much like an insane person when she finally discovered the corpse of one of the rats herself, inside a kitchen drawer.]

Beth has imitated you in this respect: she also lies about me, blames me, etc., and you (and Barry) have been willing to pretend that her lies are believable (although they are not).

Not a single one of my brothers or sisters sent me a single email in reply when I sent them photographs of myself holding my daughter (as a new born baby) in my arms: not one of them sent me an item of clothing or a toy for the child.  Not one.  I was the youngest child in the family: none of these people have ever behaved like an older sister toward me, none of these people have ever behaved like an older brother toward me.  Never.

I was not invited to attend my father's funeral.  I was not invited to attend my sister's wedding.  I know why.

Many people asked about me at Beth's wedding: they asked why I was absent, and they told me the ridiculous lies they were told in reply.

Will I be able to attend my own mother's funeral, yes or no?

Gail: if you don't think about this now (and if you don't act on this now) there will be negative repercussions that are really quite predictable.


Tuesday 17 January 2023

Then, and only then, you will begin to change the world.

——— On Compromise. ———

Q: I'm going to forgive imbeciles.  I'm going to work with despicable people.  I'm going to compromise, and I'm actually going to change the world.  You can be alone if you wish.

A: On the contrary, you will try:

you will try to work with imbeciles,

you will try to work with despicable people.

You will try to compromise, and you will fail, and you'll feel the bitterness of knowing how much better off you would be (and how much better the outcomes of your project would be) if you had been uncompromising, if you had held others to the same standards as yourself.

And then, only then, you will begin to change the world.

Q: How many people will actually change the world, with or without compromising? […]

A: Those who will change the world choose themselves.  Both the many and the few: they choose themselves.

And they choose themselves because they know themselves.  First know, then choose.

I am not entirely unprejudiced, HOWEVER…

On the importance of NOT moving to Germany.

[You should read this with an awareness that the fellow whom I'm replying to here made a tremendous effort to both speak to me in depth (about the possibility of helping me) and to actually offer real assistance ("help" in the strictest sense of the term). Do not assume that I am reproaching him.  However, it is true that he is totally unknown to me: I have never seen him in a youtube video, and I have never seen a photograph of him on Instagram, and he only started writing to me a few days ago.]


(1) A disclaimer:

I am not (in the paragraphs below) engaging in a criticism of your character…

and I am not engaging in a criticism of your motivations.

I am willing to assume that you are a good person, and I am willing to assume that you have good motivations…


I do believe it is worthwhile to question the implicit assumptions "beneath" some of the things you are saying —and I hope you will not be insulted.

To give you an example: when I was at Cambridge, many Europeans talked to me as if I would (effortlessly) have a PhD very soon (within a few years) and when I explained to them that it was impossible (or NEARLY impossible) for me to get a PhD they absolutely refused to believe it.

Does this mean they are bad people?  Does this mean they have bad motivations?  No: but they have a set of assumptions that need to be challenged.  They are not willing to believe that Cambridge University excludes me.  They are not willing to believe that every university in Europe, America and Asia excludes me (and, thus, that there are no opportunities for me anywhere).  To them, this is unbelievable.

This is important to question.

(2) What is the life I would have in Germany for the next 5 years if I accepted this "deal with the devil"?

Let us round off my age and say: from age 45 to age 50…

if I accept this "job seeker" visa…

and I get a job working at a gas station or a grocery store…

speaking German every day…

living with the same status as a Turkish immigrant (or worse)…

what will my future be?

What is there positive about this scenario?

Now I will give you a contrast: if I move to Las Vegas, Nevada, my life will be horrible (in many, many ways!) but I can at least attend stand up comedy (in English) and possibly audition to do stand up comedy myself.

That is ONE positive thing I can say about Las Vegas.

There is not even one positive thing to be said about Germany.  Not one.

Not short term, not long term.

I know Germany well.  I know the German language well.  I know German history well.  I know German politics well.  I know German philosophy well (Hegel, Kant, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer… etc. etc.).

It's all bad, Alexander.  All of it.

Germany is not merely the worst country in Europe, it is the worst country in the world.  Germany is not merely the worst country at this moment: it is the worst country that has ever existed in the history of the world.

People pretend that Cambodia is morally despicable, but let's be honest: the Cambodians (in the paranoid massacres of their failed revolution) can never be compared to the evil of the Germans.  It is utterly laughable to pretend that the Japanese empire has a moral stain comparable to the stain that Germany still bears.

And you know: I look Jewish and I am Jewish —even if I am an atheist, I am Jewish enough that the Nazis (still today) will hate me.

What could really be a worse suggestion, for me, than Germany?

In every way, short term and long term?

I am saying this to challenge your implicit assumptions: I do not think your motivations are bad.  Perhaps you really assume I would have a wonderful life in Germany (for the next 5 years and the next 50 years, if I should live so long).

Sunday 15 January 2023

My ongoing crisis revisited: a Q&A on "A Desperate Cry for Help", etc.

Re: "If I understood you correctly, you're very unsatisfied with Canada for a variety of reasons, mostly because people are incapable of being real intellectuals even though they are engaged in universities or similar and they hate you because they don't like veganism and your nihilist philosophy because it's too demanding…"

I think you've understood me about 80% correctly, but I might as well comment on the other 20%, as it is somewhat interesting.

I am capable of having meaningful conversations and collaborations with people WHO DO NOT agree with my philosophy: I had plenty of experience with that in Hong Kong, Vientiane, Phnom Penh and even in England… it isn't the case that I require people to have ALL THAT MUCH in common with me to be my friends, colleagues or co-workers.

Is this a trivial thing to point out?  In my opinion, no, it isn't: the extreme laziness, fatuousness and drug addiction of my fellow Canadians makes them impossible for me to get along with…

…whereas people with remarkable differences in faith, philosophy and political values CAN get along with me (and I can get along with them)… if they have at least SOME redeeming intellectual, ethical and emotional qualities.

Canada has long, cold winters: it's possible that people here are just MORE DAMAGED by video game addiction and endless hours of watching television than they would be if they'd grown up in a warmer climate.  And even England is indeed "a warmer climate".  Trust me, I'd know.

Re: "In my humble opinion as a [_______] with formal education in philosophy and geography, the question is similar to the question "what is my favorite color?"."

With all due respect, that is blatantly untrue:

SHOULD I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES OR NEW YORK is not equivalent to "What is my favorite color?"

It just isn't.

Asking "Where do you think I can find a better film school?", or "Where do you think I can get a start in stand up comedy?", or "Where do you think I can have a future working on Chinese as a language or Chinese politics?" IS NOT REMOTELY COMPARABLE TO ASKING "WHAT IS MY FAVORITE COLOR?".