Sunday 15 January 2023

My ongoing crisis revisited: a Q&A on "A Desperate Cry for Help", etc.

Re: "If I understood you correctly, you're very unsatisfied with Canada for a variety of reasons, mostly because people are incapable of being real intellectuals even though they are engaged in universities or similar and they hate you because they don't like veganism and your nihilist philosophy because it's too demanding…"

I think you've understood me about 80% correctly, but I might as well comment on the other 20%, as it is somewhat interesting.

I am capable of having meaningful conversations and collaborations with people WHO DO NOT agree with my philosophy: I had plenty of experience with that in Hong Kong, Vientiane, Phnom Penh and even in England… it isn't the case that I require people to have ALL THAT MUCH in common with me to be my friends, colleagues or co-workers.

Is this a trivial thing to point out?  In my opinion, no, it isn't: the extreme laziness, fatuousness and drug addiction of my fellow Canadians makes them impossible for me to get along with…

…whereas people with remarkable differences in faith, philosophy and political values CAN get along with me (and I can get along with them)… if they have at least SOME redeeming intellectual, ethical and emotional qualities.

Canada has long, cold winters: it's possible that people here are just MORE DAMAGED by video game addiction and endless hours of watching television than they would be if they'd grown up in a warmer climate.  And even England is indeed "a warmer climate".  Trust me, I'd know.

Re: "In my humble opinion as a [_______] with formal education in philosophy and geography, the question is similar to the question "what is my favorite color?"."

With all due respect, that is blatantly untrue:

SHOULD I LIVE IN LOS ANGELES OR NEW YORK is not equivalent to "What is my favorite color?"

It just isn't.

Asking "Where do you think I can find a better film school?", or "Where do you think I can get a start in stand up comedy?", or "Where do you think I can have a future working on Chinese as a language or Chinese politics?" IS NOT REMOTELY COMPARABLE TO ASKING "WHAT IS MY FAVORITE COLOR?".

And people in the audience may have real world experience living and working in these places, or going to film school specifically in these places, etc.

[In other words: specific, useful advice and information could be solicited from the audience, along with actual help in relocating to a new city: help with the visa paperwork, help with finding and renting a new home, etc —none of this is comparable to asking "what is my favorite color?".]

Re: "So what options do you have? I think the single best way to connect with other people will be your web presence like youtube, patreon, etc. Dissident intellectuals can mostly not be found in a specific location but the internet…"

I already tried that for 8+ years (more like 10+ years) and (1) it failed and (2) it ruined my life.

I already paid the price and carried out that experiment, and I'm already looking at the results / outcomes.

The price was terrible to pay.  The cost was tremendous (my life is, really, ruined).  And I have nothing positive to show for it.  Thus the crisis.

For a palpable example: look at how many youtube videos I've made on atheism, the critique of Christianity, Judaism, Islam and Buddhism.  Can you find a single example of another youtuber (an atheist youtuber, a skeptic youtuber, etc.) promoting me, positively mentioning me, etc., much less collaborating with me, interviewing me, or actually organizing something "in the real world" (not just collaborating on the creation of a youtube video) with me?  No, there isn't a single example.  A few atheist youtubers have attacked and denounced me, but nothing positive.  Not a single positive example, ever.

Take a glance, also, at the videos I made on global warming, ending with a direct "call to action" to the audience, and pointing out that not a single person was going to send me a single email in response to the video.  This prediction proved true (not a single person wrote to me, including you!).

So, again, I'm sorry, but your well-intentioned advice here seems to me 110% wrong.

Re: "I mean, you're in your mid 40ties already and I assume the older you get the harder it gets to form new connections that last."

No, it's easier.

Being in your late 20s in Hong Kong, Taiwan, Laos and Cambodia…


Being in my 20s in Toronto was hell on earth, too.  Everyone there was literally, physically afraid of everyone else.

It's way easier being in your 40s.  This is "good news" for you, if  you're not in your 40s yet.

Re: "...what you are doing [is] very good by the way, meaning the political commentaries as well as a variety of cultural topics and life advise, please don't stop..."

I am going to stop, and (from my perspective) I already have stopped.

And why?

Because of you: because of people like you.

Sometimes the audience is disappointed with the artist, and sometimes the artist is disappointed with the audience.

My audience let me down.  I have to stop.

There is real sacrifice involved in what I do, and what I have been doing, for 8 or 10 years: you aren't worth it —both you, specifically, and "you people" generally.

The audience has expectations of me, and I have expectations of the audience.  If the audience doesn't live up to my expectations, I quit —and vice versa, you'll quit if I disappoint you.

Tell me something: after I completed those two books (Future of an Illusion and No More Manifestos) what SHOULD I have expected from the audience, or from other youtubers?

I've already mentioned that I've never had anything positive come back from other atheist (or "skeptic") youtubers as an example.  What do you think I should have seen as a response to Future of an Illusion from other vegan youtubers, for example?  Should I be happy, having expectations even lower than what was (and is) the reality of the outcome?

This is not the whole story, but it's a useful enough example.

I finished writing those two books, I finished the heartbreaking trip to Thailand and back for that court case, and then I briefly threw myself into migrating to Israel (and this turned out to be impossible).  The crisis I'm in now is obvious: in some ways, a crisis was inevitable just because I'd completed writing the books, and coronavirus quarantine came to an end.  The other factors made it worse —including this disappointment with my audience and with the outcomes of pouring so many years of hard work into youtube / publishing on the internet generally.

Re: "please stay as you are and continue your great work on youtube."


It's over like Zima.