Saturday 27 April 2024

Infidelity and Openness: the Motivations Behind Melissa's Infidelity — a Curious Case of Cheating in a Polyamorous Relationship!

[This was in reply to a comment from Evan, a supporter on Patreon and a viewer of the channel of many years' distinguished service.]


Perhaps the big question going forward is whether to work on integrating Melissa’s needs into the relationship with Eisel, or whether to work on “curbing the addiction”. On the one hand, her being rejected early on when presenting this side of herself to Eisel is perhaps something to work through together. Clearly a wound that needs healing — Melissa would need to feel secure that she won’t be rejected if she tries to engage Eisel this way.


I think you can tell just from my tone of voice in the video that my implicit attitude is, "Look, I really wouldn't have cared if you were a part-time professional porn star…" —I am not the one freaked out about this.

She is the one who is both horrified and fascinated by it.  I am neither one.  She is turned on by it, but also considers it shameful and immoral.

This is the one thing I'd disagree with, on the basis of my insider knowledge: "Melissa would need to feel secure that she won’t be rejected if she tries to engage Eisel this way."

She actively wanted to do this with a guy she considered "pathetic": someone she looked down on (instead of someone she looked up to).

In a very BDSM way, she utterly despised this guy, in the same way that she utterly despised her first boyfriend (the guy before me).  And in a very NON-BDSM way, she told him that she loved him and appreciated him again and again: she told him that he was the most wonderful person in the world.

Before she was with me, she was really accustomed to sex with a man she felt smarter than, morally superior to, etc. —and with me she always felt stupid and morally inferior.  I AM NOT BOASTING.

We have talked about this a lot: with her first boyfriend she had all the initiative, she made all the plans, she made all the decisions, and she looked down on him as a stupid, lazy (extremely overweight) disappointment of a man.  Did she love him?  Yes, but she also despised him.  And yes: he was immoral in many ways.  I suppose she "felt good" about being morally superior to him, but she'd also be pissed off about it all the time —and in parallel she "felt good" being the smartest person in the room, but was also pissed off about it all the time.

With me, obviously, she wasn't in Michigan any more: she was no longer in a relationship with a morbidly obese Detroit factory worker who barely had a high school education.

The really fucked up part (the really evil part) is that she was SO OVERWHELMED with this particular form of pornography addiction (that, for her, has more to do with being the porn star than masturbating when watching the other guy's porn, and has everything to do with soliciting flattery —in a manner that is indeed somewhat vain and narcissistic, etc. etc.)…

…she was SO OVERWHELMED with it that she really did make decisions (that were not in fantasy land, but here in reality) that would ruin her life forever (and mine along with it).

She made real world decisions that would have real world consequences —and her relationship with this guy consisted of nothing more than him telling her "wow, you're amazing!" when she'd send him nudes.  I've read thousands and thousands of their messages: there is no intellectual content, there is no political content, there is no emotional content.  It's just porn —but, pathetically, both of the porn stars are stupid and crazy enough to lose track of what's real and what isn't.