[Audience member, "Frank Petrone":] Eisel it seems like you give Melissa too much freedom in the relationship. Revenge sex is all fine and dandy but it will not fix the problems at the core of your relationship. If you really want to salvage your relationship you need to be a man and start making demands. Tell her that if she wants to stay with you than she has to start taking her education seriously and not be allowed to use phones/technology which she cannot be trusted with. How will you ever be able to marry a girl who can spend hours upon hours virtually cheating on you but cannot sit down and learn a new language? How could you trust this person to be the mother to your child?
[Me:] You point out a number of serious problems, but then look back at your first sentence, starting the paragraph: less freedom isn't the solution. The situation would be much simpler if too much freedom really were the (root) problem.
[Audience member:] you’re right. I use the term ‘freedom’ very loosely but what I truly meant to communicate is that after this whole scenario you yourself have more freedom to hold Mellisa accountable for her actions. She no longer can play innocent or cry victim because her true nature has been exposed. If she acts like a spoiled ungrateful child than she can expect to be treated that way by the people around her. She chose the path she is on and you chose your own path. Because of her choices she will have deal with the fact that she has lost trust and respect. You are no longer the bad guy for wanting to have access to her phone and knowledge of her whereabouts. If she cannot change than good riddance, it means you deserved better to begin with.
[Me:] In this way, my own strengths become a weakness: I absolutely never would have asked to look at her phone (or read her private messages, etc.) because I know what I would do in her position, and I expect her to live up to the same moral standards I'd hold myself to (etc.). Thus, quote, "You are no longer the bad guy for wanting to have access to her phone and knowledge of her whereabouts" —to me this seems surreal. I never wanted to carry out surveillance: I wanted her to be motivated to do the right thing because it's the right thing to do —and (of course) these were agreements we'd made mutually and openly (i.e., she'd taken a vow). She had everything to gain by obeying the rules, and she had everything to lose by breaking them: she would have to be stupid and crazy to cheat in an open (polyamorous) relationship… and it absolutely did not occur to me that I should really be concerned about just how stupid and crazy she was in practice (once the principe of the thing had been agreed to).
