[This is the denouement to an earlier post titled, "I rarely use the n-word, BUT WHEN I DO..." If you haven't seen the correspondence this is a sequel to, here it is: http://a-bas-le-ciel.blogspot.com/2023/08/i-rarely-use-n-word-but-when-i-do.html]
I am not sure why you are speaking to me in this way. "A fucking coward and a pussy" This is not something that inspires creativity or generosity in me. Even if you are right, and even if I have acted out of fear. Your language is proving that fear right.
Given that, I am still willing to discuss your work with you. I also have works that I am producing... it is for these that I have passion and motivation. You have great passion and motivation for your work... as you should.
However, I am not scared off by your behavior. Only because of your giftedness and how you have helped me through your videos. But I doubt I would continue to work with someone who was cursing and using slurs.
Yes, you are right. You are correct. But nothing creative or positive would come from me in such a toxic interaction. That is why I told you the story of the Mayor. She was so gifted and smart about our town. I came to recognize that. But she allowed her pride in her own insight to convince her that she could mistreat people. Even in a noble cause.
Please let me know if some kind of dialogue interests you. A creative dialogue. If something more came from that in terms of me helping you, that would be one lovely outcome. If you're really not interested in that, that is obviously fine as well.
Why can I not give you my name? Because I have completed 300,000 words of my first draft and am now working on the 2nd draft. If you knew my name, my writing future could be in ruins. Even with such a short interaction, I feel your venom.
I want to let you know that I am attending a book conference tomorrow and Saturday and be unable to respond.
[Pseudonym]
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Let me ask you a really simple question: are you writing to me, offering to help me…
or are you begging me to help you?
In your mind, the two are one and the same; in reality, they're two diametrically different things.
The purpose of this conversation cannot possibly be to make you feel better about yourself: you've known about my youtube channel for five years, and you've never yet lifted a single finger to help me.
You should re-read this correspondence from beginning to end: there is something important for you to learn from it.
And there is nothing, absolutely nothing, for me to learn from it.
Re: "But I doubt I would continue to work with someone who was cursing and using slurs."
(a) We have not begun to work together: therefore you can't continue.
(b) And you never once ask yourself why it is that I would want to work with you: why do you imagine I'd have some kind of respect for your opinion, in this "creative dialogue" that you're fantasizing about?
Quote: "Please let me know if some kind of dialogue interests you. A creative dialogue."
In the last five years, what has your relationship to me been? You take and take and take; you give me nothing in return. What do you think is going to change in the next five years? Nothing. Nothing at all.
Here is your rather surreal offer of assistance, in your original words:
"As I have been quietly watching your channel for more than 5 years, I am surprised that you do not have a massive following. I would be willing to dialogue with you on how to solve this."
That is not the problem I'm complaining of in my "desperate cry for help" videos. And that is not a solution I could possibly expect you to provide: I am not asking you or anyone to provide me with "a massive following", but it is especially bizarre to imagine how you (you of all people!) would actually be able to provide that —especially through "dialogue". It is a surreal offer that I am eager to refuse.
The problem that I am asking for help with (in my "desperate cry for help" videos) is stated very clearly there, and it has been briefly restated here, along with a few examples.
The difference you can make is what matters more than the difference you can't. You have —presumably— heard me say that many times.
You write to me telling me that my philosophy has given you so much (that it's so meaningful, that it's transformed your life in so many ways). That is what my philosophy means to you, that is what my words mean to you (that is what my books are to you, that is what my videos and podcasts are to you, etc.). And what does your philosophy mean to me? And what is it, now, that you're supposed to give?
Re: "You began this conversation by admitting that you're not even willing to risk revealing your real name. Dig deep. Look in the mirror. Figure out what the fuck you are willing to do."
You have not answered this question: it is a question you must demand of yourself —and without cowardice.
E.M.
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I laughed when I saw this post. Not able to make much sense of it. It's clear that your rage leads you to believe you are above everyone else. I think I will take this time to reevaluate my opinion of your correctness. If you can be so totally wrong (ie using racial slurs, misogynistic language and being verbally abusive), this extremism must bleed through in other ways. Boy am I glad I never told you my name. I am sure you would have blasted me too by now.
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Re: "Not able to make much sense of it..."
I know you're being honest:
I know you're genuinely too stupid to understand what's being said to you (and why).
You can spend the rest of your life pretending that your incomprehension marks you out as morally superior to me: it doesn't. It's just stupidity on your part: it's stupidity and selfishness and laziness and cowardice.
E.M.
